Dealing with Disappointments – Bridging to Acceptance
Disappointment can provide us with a bridge from expectation to acceptance of reality, increased wisdom, and the energy to begin again.
Whenever we do something in life with an expectation of how we’d like it to turn out, whether that is a new exercise program or a revamped eating plan, we risk experiencing disappointment. When things don’t go the way we had envisioned, we may feel a myriad of emotions from slightly let down, to depressed, or even angry. We might direct our feelings inward toward ourselves, beating ourselves up yet again for a percieved failure. We may also turn these feelings outward toward other people or the universe in general. Whether we feel disappointed by ourselves, a friend, specific circumstances, actions by others, or life in general, disappointment is a tough feeling to experience. Still, it is a natural part of life, and there are many positive and productive ways of dealing with it when we find ourselves in the midst of disappointment.
As with any feeling, disappointment comes to us for a reason, and we don’t need to fear identifying it, acknowledging it, or feeling it. The sooner we are able to accept how we are feeling and process it authentically, the sooner we will be free move into new emotional territory. As we allow ourselves to feel disappointment, we might want to journal about the experience — the situation that preceded it, what we hoped would happen, and what eventually did happen. The gift of disappointment is its ability to call us into alignment with reality so that we’re not stuck for too long in the realm of what “might have been”.
As we review past disappointments in our lives and how we exhibited the strength to move past them, we can begin to realize that in some cases, the disappointment that happened was actually better in the long run than the outcome we originally desired. Disappointment often leaves us feeling deflated with its realistic message that things don’t always turn out like we plan. The beauty of disappointment, though, is that it provides us with a bridge to the other side, where the acceptance of reality, wisdom, and the strength to begin again can be found.
What Do We Communicate through Chronic Lateness
06 – What Do We Communicate through Chronic Lateness
Finding a clear and authentic way of addressing chronic lateness helps us to better honor both others and ourselves, while realizing what chronic lateness says about us.
Being late for an appointment or a date can seem like a small thing that really doesn’t matter, but when it happens repeatedly, it communicates volumes, whether we mean it to or not. Being kept waiting is an experience that very few people enjoy, because at best, it wastes their time, and at worst, it indicates a lack of consideration. It’s as if the chronically late individual is saying that their time is more important than our time (or vice versa), so they don’t need to honor us by showing up when they said they would.
If it’s you that is running late, it means a lot if you call and let the person that’s expecting you or waiting for you know, especially if you will be delayed by more than ten minutes. If you (or someone else) are chronically late, it may take more than a phone call to properly address (and solve) the issue.
If it’s become a habit of ours (or anyone’s) not to be on time, it’s time for some introspection – what is really going on? It’s easy enough to make excuses about our behavior, or to project responsibility on the other person, perceiving them to be uptight or unreasonable if they are irritated by our lateness. What’s more difficult, and more meaningful, is to take a good hard look at ourselves and ask why it is that we always, or often, show up late for appointments set in advance. Sometimes this happens out of a lack of self-regard, as if we feel we aren’t really important anyway, so why will anyone care if we’re late, or if we don’t show up at all.
Chronic lateness can also stem from being disorganized – unable to keep tasks and appointment straight on a personal or business schedule, or simply trying to do too much at one time – an inability to say “No”. Another possible reason for being late to a particular appointment, or date, is that we don’t really want to be there – and We communicate our disinterest by not showing up on time.
Whatever the reasons, if they are raised to a conscious level, we have an opportunity to live a more conscious life, and work on chronic lateness. Once we dig deeper and determine the underlying reasons behind an inability to show up on time, we have the option to communicate clearly and consciously about how we really feel, rather than communicating unconsciously (some might say passive-aggressively) by being late.
Create Your Masterpiece
You are the author of your own life story, and you are free to create a masterpiece of your OWN design.
We all have a life story – filled with relationships, events that help shape who we are, what we believe to be true, and what we want from the world around us. Depending on our perspective and willingness to grow, yesterday and today’s experiences can become fodder for negativity and patterns of playing the victim, or they can fuel a life of strength, empowerment, and continued self-development. We are in control of story we tell ourselves about what happens – and that can make all the difference.
What kind of story are you creating for yourself on a hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, annual basis? If you generally feel positive and peaceful about your past and trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way, then you are handling everyday circumstances in a way that serves you well and that does not create undue stress. Your life story is well on the way to becoming a masterpiece.
On the other hand, if you hold on to a lot of guilt about past events, harbor resentment about what has happened to you and the role of others in those negative events, and generally feel weighed down by life, you may want to rewrite that version of past and present events and start telling yourself a new, more positive (or at least more objective) story. No matter who the characters are in your present story (or the story you are developing), or what they have done (or failed to do), you are the only one who defines what meaning their actions will have for you. You are the only one who can define what role (positive or negative, authority or victim) you will play in your own life. By taking responsibility for your story, you can learn and grow, forgive and find compassion, and most importantly, design your way into a brighter future – a masterpiece.
From this moment forward, choose a life story that supports, encourages and empowers you. Let it be proof of your own resilience and creativity – choose intentionally to be kind with the roles you give yourself and generous with how many chances you give yourself to learn what you need to know to create your masterpiece. When you remember that you are the author of your own story, that you choose to develop your character and you can choose your reactions to events and people in your story, you will be free to create your masterpiece.
Taking a Fresh Look at Media
We must commit to seek out media (visual, audio) that empowers and informs us, supports our dreams and goals, and to say a firm “No” to media that drains energy and hope, damages our self-esteem, self-confidence and self-image.
There is a lot of information available to us – more than ever before, and in many different forms, and it travels fast. We are able to learn in the blink of an eye about something that happened halfway around the world, and it’s natural to want to know what’s going on. However, it’s also fair to say that we shouldn’t get so caught up in any one way of looking at events to the exclusion of all other ways that we lose perspective.
Often, information comes to us in a very fear-oriented format, full of what we should not do, who we should not trust, and who means us harm. When we get too caught up in fear, the balance of our whole – emotional, psychological, physical – can be disrupted. It helps to remember that we can have a much greater, more positive impact on the wider world and our little corner of it when we maintain an inner sense of peace and joy.
We are aware enough to know when we are eating something that is not good for us, or that doesn’t support our health and fitness goals, because we don’t feel well after we’ve eaten it. In the same way, we should determine for ourselves whether the sources providing our information are ultimately healthy and fit for consumption.
News can be presented in a way that inspires us to take positive action to help ourselves, our communities, and our world, or it can be presented in a way that leaves us feeling powerless, less-than, and sad. It is up to us to seek out and support media that empowers and informs us, encourages us to be our best, to develop new strengths, and to support others on their journey. We should say an emphatic “No” to media that drains our energy and our hope, creates divisiveness, or espouses prejudicial opinions.
For a time, it may be beneficial to commit to a “media fast”, during which time we deliberately stop taking information in to give ourselves a rest. When we decide to return to the task of taking in and processing the information all around us, we can come to it with a fresh and uncluttered mind. This will enable us to really notice how we are affected – positively or negatively – by what we hear and see, and to make conscious choices about the sources of information that we allow into our lives.
Bring Out Your Best
The traits – dare we say faults? strengths? – we notice in others, can be opportunities for us to understand ourselves more deeply and authentically.
You’ve probably heard that universal saying that the people who irritate us the most are the ones who express qualities that we ourselves have (but may not want to admit to). This is why family members can be so exasperating for so many of us — we see ourselves in them (the good, the bad and the ugly), and vice versa.
This isn’t always true, of course, but when it is, it’s a real opportunity for growth – if we can bring ourselves to see it clearly and acknowledge it. It’s a fact that it is infinitely easier to change ourselves than it is to try to change another person – never a good idea. For example, if we have a coworker who engages in what we see as negative behavior, like complaining or trying to control everything, we can look within and see if we ourselves carry those same negative traits.
We may have to look beyond our immediate circumstances and look into other areas of our lives to see it, because we behave differently in different environments. Perhaps we don’t complain at work, because our coworker overdoes it, but maybe we complain a lot when around our friends or family. Maybe we aren’t controlling at the office, but we’re so used to being in control at home that this is why we feel so irritated not to be in control at work.
Even if we look and find that we are not engaging in the same behavior that we see as negative in others, we can still learn from what we see in the other person. The truth is, human nature is universal, and we as human beings share many of the same tendencies – positive and negative. What we see in others will always help us to understand ourselves more deeply.
Having the ability to see something in another person – positive or negative – and bring this observation back to ourselves, is part of a built-in system of checks and balances. This system enables us to continually engage in self-exploration and enables us to make behavior changes. When we see behavior we don’t like in others, we can make a concerted effort to weed it out of ourselves, spurred on by the irritation we feel when we see and feel the negative effects of that behavior. When we see behavior we do like, we can let it inspire us to engage in imitation – gaining skill, knowledge and strength. Through this process, we read our environment, decide what changes we would like to make, and continually work to bring out the best in ourselves.
